


Never Say Never

by raktajinos



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Torchwood
Genre: Crack, M/M, background Jack/Doctor, background Jack/Ianto - Freeform, jack flirts with everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-16 23:40:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20611280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raktajinos/pseuds/raktajinos
Summary: "Hey, could you...please stop hitting on my first officer?" Jim muttered under his breath. "It's probably freaking him out."Jack cast a look between the Captain and Spock, smirking, "I thought so."





	Never Say Never

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ninety6tears](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninety6tears/gifts).
  * Inspired by [10-genres-in-10-snippets meme](https://archiveofourown.org/works/471958) by [ninety6tears](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninety6tears/pseuds/ninety6tears). 

> So I *was* going to do Rising Sign for this challenge...but then I was reading through your other stuff and the "10 Genres in 10 Snippets" piece just GOTTT me, specifically the crossover one, and it wouldn't leave me alone. So here ya go - it's completely ridiculous and I hope you like it. Also, thanks for making me a Bones/Starbuck shipper now. Gads!

“Mr Spock, is that —” Jim wondered, bringing his hand up to block the sun from his eyes. 

Spock followed his Captain’s gaze, eyes falling upon the silhouette of a man in the distance waving at them. “It would appear to be a humanoid individual,”

“What is he doing…here?” Jim said, hands gesturing to the red terrain around them. The planet was technically a secret; all the scans from orbit would indicate it was a desolate empty rock with no life outside of some plants. It had been a secret Section 31 base for a few decades, a vast subterranean network existing beneath the surface. The entire crew of the Enterprise had been sworn to levels of secrecy Jim didn’t even know existed when they’d been asked to land on the planet and lend some assistance to the personnel there. You could never be sure of what to expect with Section 31, but he doubted this man was part of the plan. 

As they approached the man, Jim was able to get a better look at him; the man couldn’t have been older than 35 earth years, with a glow to his skin suggesting some prolonged time in the sun. He had neatly trimmed hair, reminiscent of a military background, with some errant strands dipping onto his forehead. His outfit and demeanour were the true out-of-sorts elements; an easy swagger, a lazy smile parlaying a sense of self and confidence that Jim found both alluring and cautionary; and his outfit, an antique-looking military jacket that just barely hung above the floor.

“Can we help you, sir?” Jim asked as they approached the man. 

“That’s very kind, thank you, but no, I’m alright, I’m just waiting for someone,” the man said in a slightly affected earth accent. 

The man peered at Jim and then turned to Spock, giving his first officer a once-over that felt far too invasive for Jim’s liking. 

“And neither of you are him,” he continued, putting his hands into his pockets. 

“See, you’re really not supposed to be here Mr ….” Jim said, trying to find that perfect balance in tone between warning and giving the benefit of a doubt. 

The man laughed, “Harkness!” he grinned, “Captain Jack Harkness at your service,” turning on his 100-watt smile for them, extending his hand. 

Jim reached out and took the offered hand, “Captain Jim Kirk,” he replied. 

“Ahhh, always nice to meet another Captain. I assume that’s your boat parked over there?” 

“Yes, we call her Enterprise. Where is….your…ship?” Jim hedged, glancing around the horizon, giving an odd look to the blue box. 

Jack turned to glance at the box, chuckling, “oh, that’s not mine. I borrowed it from a friend who is late; very late. Ianto will be very disappointed, we had plans, he gets so excited about his plans” he said wistfully, winking at Spock. 

“Since your Captain has so rudely declined to introduce us,” Jack said, taking a step towards Spock and into his personal space, “…who might you be?”

“I am Lieutenant Commander Spock, First Officer on the Enterprise,” Spock replied in his typical stoic way. 

“Oh, First Officer, how prestigious. So you serve under the good Captain here?”

“That is correct,” 

“Do you enjoy serving under him then?”

“Yes, Captain Kirk is an excellent Captain,” 

“I’m sure. I just sense more of a bottom energy from him and a real…commanding energy from you,” he said, his voice low and warm. 

Jim rolled his eyes. 

“I would like a command of my own one day,” Spock added

“Hmm, yes, maybe even today if you play your cards right,” 

A confused look came across Spock’s face, “I do not see how that would be possible, you’re not an Admiral, Captain Harkness,” 

What was at first charming, seeing Spock get hit on - it was admittedly a little hot - was now getting irritating and Jim couldn’t tell if Spock was deliberately being obtuse or not. 

“Consider me more of an admirer than an admiral,” he practically purred. 

"Hey,” Jim interjected, “could you...please stop hitting on my first officer?"

Jack didn't try to deny it, grinning at the uncomfortable brunette, “Jealous?" he teased,

"No," Jim snapped quickly, 

“Cause I can hit on you too, flyboy. More than enough Jack to…spread around,” he winked. 

Jim rolled his eyes exasperated, “it's probably freaking him out,"

“Ooh, hopefully the fun freaky, I like freaky,” Jack flicked his glance towards Spock, letting his eyes roam up his torso. 

“Well, Mr Spock, am I, as your dutiful Captain says, freaking you out?” 

Spock lifted an eyebrow, ”no, you are not...freaking me out, Captain Harkness. I am quite used to the…overt salaciousness with which humans tend to defer to one another, though it is rare I meet someone quite so…bold as you,”  
  
Jack laughed a good, hearty laugh, “well thank-you, I work on it,” he turned towards Jim, “so you played the slow, less-bold route for him then eh,” He cast a look between the Captain and Spock, smirking at the glance they passed between them; "I thought so," he mumbled, grinning. “If I can continue to be so bold, I’m more than open to a little menage-et-trios as the French would say,” 

Jim cleared his throat, uncomfortable with how much he had accidentally just revealed and where the convo was going; he’d reflect later on how he’d want to say yes to that illicit invitation. 

“As I was saying, about you not supposed to be here…”  
  
“Oh, the secret military spy base underneath the surface of this planet,” Jack said, waving his hand nonchalantly, “Starfleet and their secrets are safe,” 

“How -” Jim started, getting cut off by the thickening air pressure and the hair on the back of Jim’s neck bristling, the only warning before the ground shook and a loud pop filled the valley. The air was full of unsettled red dust from the surface, and Jim tried fruitlessly to brush it away with his hands, trying to see what had caused the commotion.

His attention was immediately captured by a figure standing a few metres behind Jack, a woman, dressed equally as ridiculous as this alien man, with bright yellow suspenders and odd goucho-style pants from a different era; really, where did these two shop?  
  
"There you are, you rotten scoundrel," the woman yelled. 

"Oh, that must be me,“ Jack said, tossing a saucy grin towards Spock before turning around to see. 

“You!” she said.

“You?” Jack replied, confused. 

“Me!” 

Jim watched as the two bizarre aliens continued on in this rhythm, completely lost as to what was going on and whether they actually knew each other. 

“Ahhh, you.”

“New face,” the woman shrugged

Jack grinned, “new everything,” dragging his gaze up her body. 

The woman laughed warmly, “quite new! But I’ve adjusted quite nicely,” 

“Mmmm, quite nice indeed,” he said, stepping up into her personal space, bringing a hand up to her face, wrapping a hand around her waist, pulling her into a deep kiss.

“Well, I see you’ve not lost your touch, Jack,” she said breathlessly when they separated. 

“Well, it would be a shame to break such an enjoyable tradition,” he grinned. 

Jim stood agape watching the display in front of him; in the last twenty minutes, this man had hit on both himself and Spock, invited both of them to a three-way, and made out with a woman who just appeared out of nowhere. 

“What’s wrong with them?” she asked Jack, a concerned glance towards Jim and Spock. 

“Nothing, ma’am, apologies,” Jim interjected. 

“Ma’am! He called me ma’am, how cute. He’s cute, Jack,” 

“We were actually just discussing how they’re both cute,”

“Ohhhhh,” the woman said, intrigued. 

“They’re together and are trying to be secretive about it,” 

“Hmmm, those irritating fraternization rules the humans are always so obsessed with?”

“Exactly,” 

“Such a shame,”

“They’re also monogamous,” Jack said, a faux maudlin tone to his voice

“Ah, well boys, you are missing out. Jack is always an experience…maybe not a where no man has gone before type experience, but there’s a reason it’s so well visited”

Jack let out a roarous laugh, “I should be offended at that,”

“If it wasn’t true,” she chuckled back, “and its a shame, this one is really quite your type isn’t he,” she said, nodding her head towards Spock

“I don’t have a type,”

“Fine” she relented, “but you definitely love the repressed pretty ones,”

“Can you now stop hitting on my first officer!” Jim interjected. 

“He’s more your type, dear Doctor, bold and impertinent,” 

“I am not impertinent and Spock is not repressed,” Jim shot back, the descriptions coming a little too close to home because of their accuracy; he was completely impertinent and Spock was so damn repressed it took Jim more than fourteen-months to get the man naked; he’d never worked so hard in his life. 

“Ahhh, but you admit he’s pretty,” Jack teased, taking far too much delight in the knots he was twisting them into. 

“I um..” Jim stammered, “yes, of course I think he’s pretty,” 

He chanced a glance over to Spock, noting the raised eyebrow; while they weren’t exactly new in their relationship, they also weren’t super established yet either, and randomly confessing to an alien that he thought Spock was pretty could be alarming. But gosh, he really was pretty; Jim had gotten lost just staring at him, the alabaster coolness of his skin, the sharp lines of his features, the starkness of those features with his skin, the shape of his lips….Jim was ecstatic to finally get his lips on him, his hands on him, his … everything on him…to find the sharp, delicate features continued past the collar of his uniform into strong arms, a bold chest, and a sharp relief in his hips, perfect for fingers to dig into.

He cleared his throat to clear his mind of those thoughts, to prevent him from dwelling on the memory of that morning and the vigorous way Spock had proven he was not as oppressed as he seemed. 

Jim raised his eyes back to Jack, their eyes meeting, the other man giving him a knowing look and Jim panicked wondering if the other man could read minds. 

“I can’t, by the way; I’m just observant,” Jack teased with a wink, throwing Jim further off kilter. 

“Jack, we really ought to be going now,” the woman interjected, looking at a peculiar device on her wrist, “and we should probably give these poor boys a break,” 

“Very well,” Jack replied, “I do hate to cut this short, things were just starting to get interesting,” and he turned to follow the woman towards the blue box. 

“I’m assuming you didn’t break anything while you had it,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him, “I just recently had it redecorated,”

“I noticed, I like what you did and no I didn’t break…much,” 

“Much!?” 

“Well, Ianto and I…”

“Don’t you go blaming that sweet boy for your naughty ways,” 

Jim watched as the woman opened the door to the box and a million questions ran through his mind not limited to how they were both going to fit and there was no way that was actually some sort of ship. 

“Now, tell me what you broke,” the woman said, ushering Jack into the box before stepping in behind him. 

“How -” Jim mumbled, 

“It’s bigger on the inside,” she smiled knowingly at him, popping her head out of the blue box. “Oh, and boys,” the woman said “as a gift, I’ll save you some time. Your Section 31 thingy has been infiltrated by something called Control. Sadly, its completely inline with this timeline so I can’t really get involved; you’ll have it well in hand,”

Jim just stared at her, confused for the millionth time that afternoon. 

“Who are you?” Spock interjected and Jim was both pleased the man had the wherewithal to ask such an obvious question and also embarrassed that he’d been so off-kilter that he failed to do so himself. 

The woman grinned, “why, I’m the Doctor of course,” and then closed the door behind her to the blue box. 

“That’s not-”

“-helpful,” Spock finished for him, lifting his tricorder towards the blue box. 

An obnoxious whirling noise started, and Jim took a cautious step backwards, staring as the box began to slowly disappear from view, seemingly into thin air. 

“What in the hell was that?” Jim exclaimed when the air became still and silent. 

“I am not sure, Captain. They are gone and I’m detecting trace elements of temporal particles but the…vessel…resembles nothing we have on record,” Spock added, reading from his tricorder. 

“Maybe Section 31 will know,” 

“And they will of course eagerly hand over that information to us when we ask,” Spock replied saucily. 

Jim rolled his eyes. 

“I guess we better go talk to the spooks to see what they want,” Jim sighed, beginning to walk towards the coordinates provided to them by Starfleet. 

“Jim,” 

“Yes, Spock?”

“I think you are pretty too,” 

Jim reached out and grabbed Spock’s free hand in his own, giving it a squeeze, his heart jumping in his chest.


End file.
